Monday, May 12, 2014

A Mother's Day To Remember......

Mother's Day has always been kinda just another day for me. The Former Supposed Spouse could sometimes be counted on to buy a card.....maybe some flowers. But rarely was there breakfast in bed or any kind of fancy meal (unless I cooked it) or even simply a day off from the stress of being The Mom and making the household continue to run.

This year was different. My perception of exactly what I should be celebrating has shifted. Just a little. But enough to make all the difference. Instead of being bummed because there was no one to take over for me or pamper me or whatever the hell else I used to think the Former Supposed Spouse should do to make me happy on Mother's Day, I decided to instead put the focus on the reason I get to celebrate Mother's Day in the first place.......and I simply enjoyed my kids' company.......The Boy had tryouts for a travelling baseball team this morning. After that, he came with me to the gym and counted my reps and wiped down my machines for me and told me how much weight and how many reps on each machine. After that, we went home and picked up The Bug and went to the carnival. And, since we were at the mall, I treated myself to a new Cats hoodie and a new pair of good workout shoes. And they rode rides and we had deep fried Oreos and chili cheese fries and The Bug and I had our picture taken for the local paper while we were playing the ring toss. It was a fine day......

 I still had to cook my own fancy dinner - rib steaks, crab legs, cauliflower and broccoli with strawberry shortcake for dessert - but instead of fussing about having to do it myself, I picked what I wanted and just did it. Because - like The Kid told me this week - I'm a "good cooker." Incidentally, The Kid brought me to tears this week because he made TWO Mother's Day presents in school. One for his biological mother, of course, and one for me. And he made a Very Big Deal about how mine wasn't a surprise. It was a potholder. And he was bringing it home from school on Thursday, not Friday, because on Friday he was going to his mom's house to give her hers.

It was a potholder. And it's probably the most beautiful potholder I have ever seen in my life. Because The Kid made it. For me. For ME!! The evil Step-Monster. And I will likely be buried with this potholder because it's probably the closest thing to an "I love you" as I'm ever gonna get from The Kid.

My Mother's Day celebration actually began on Friday night. Moms joined us for our Girls' Night. We went out for dinner, had a couple of drinks with dinner, and then went to the bar next door and shared a "Don't Let The Dogs Out" fishbowl.......Mom had (a drink called) Butt Sex for the first time. And she actually downed it all in one go like you're 'sposed to. Pretty proud of the old girl, I am. She did however decide, after perusing the gentleman in the bar, that they were all FAR too young for her. Hell, some of them were far too young for ME lol. Next time we'll have to go to Vic's at around 6 because "all the old farts are probably home by 9!" Fuck, she's a trip! She came to my house for dinner tonight - steak and crab legs are one of her favorites, too. I poured myself a glass of wine. She decided she needed some "whikey" and hit the bottle of Crown. (Just a little splash in her diet Coke....)

I guess I did get a little time-out from Mommy-hood this weekend. Friday after the bar closed, I had company. Again. And He came back later and spent the rest of yet another rainy Saturday morning with me. Again. And as he was leaving, turned around and came back for one more kiss. That's why I like him so much......He takes me to a place where I don't have to be any one's mommy or daughter or nurse or chauffeur or sober support.......all I gotta do is be fucked.....and not think, just feel.......really fuckin' good for a really long time.....

Never enough time, though. Because the more You give, the more I'll ask for. And the more I get, the more I want.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Building A Better Me......One Sore-Ass Muscle At A Time

So, as far as days go, today was really pretty fabulous.

I got up to go to work today and am getting dressed. And right away, I'm confused.

And WHY, you ask?

Because the pants no longer fit. They zipped and buttoned way, WAY too easy. And once they were buttoned and zipped, and stretched out a bit, they wouldn't stay up. So, I put on a belt. And there weren't enough holes on it. I got on the scale and I'm down 12 POUNDS since April 1. I'm so excited about this, I cannot even begin to tell you. These are the kind of "problems" I can deal with. This is what happens when you......

The fact that my arms feel like bars of lead and my ass feels like it's on fire makes me kinda means that I'm getting stronger - that I'm building new muscles

I also got a LOT accomplished at work today. I helped to train a new employee ..... a B-Baller at MSU-Northern. He seems like a very nice young man. I learned a few things today, too.......for example, I need to study up on lawn least enough that I can SOUND reasonably competent. (I so love those old duffers that come in and refuse to believe what I'M telling them just because I have tits. That's irritating!! 'Cause I know more than your average girl about a lot of things!!)

I went to the gym yesterday before I went to work. Not a real big deal.....spent 20 minutes on the treadmill and worked up a little bit of a sweat, but nothing major. I didn't notice a difference until AFTER work. And here's the thing.....I never used to go to my OULA class on Thursday nights because it just seemed like too much. I was so tired at the end of the day and my feet hurt and my back hurt, and I just couldn't wait to get home and crash and burn. Yesterday, however, I went. Because my back didn't hurt. Neither did my feet. It was kind of amazing how much I didn't hurt. And I am ALWAYS amazed at how much better I sleep on the days that I work out. THAT is truly awesome!

My job has become a bit more exciting recently as well. Beginning the end of June, I will start working 3-4 days a week at the store in Butte. With a little luck, I'll be moved there with my kids and my mom in time to start the boys in school there.......I need something new. I'm 43 years old. I was born here and raised here and never lived anywhere BUT here. It's time.

It's past time........

Saturday, May 3, 2014

A Little More On The Kinky Boots .....

I have a less "PG-13" name for The Kinky Boots. For certain people (well, one specific person, I guess) they are known as my Come Fuck Me boots. And trust me......they need to be used with caution. Especially when worn in combination with the black and silver brocade corset I wore them with last night. I wore them because I have never worn them outside of the house before. And they really should be worn outside the house. I wore them because they made me feel sexy and beautiful and brave. I wore them because I promised my bestie, Tina, that I would if she would.

So we did. And, yes, we got quite the reaction! The men people were all most appreciative. Although we did get a lot of  "you CAN'T be from Havre!" Born and raised, boys. Born and raised. The women people were split pretty much down the middle between "OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE THOSE FUCKING BOOTS! YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!!" and throwing us evil oh-my-god-i-wish-you-would-burst-into-flames-and-die-on-the-spot looks. Sorry skinny bitch. Corsets were MADE for women with curves and boobs and you just couldn't pull this look off the way I can. This was my night to own my curves and WAY show them off, so you can save your die-bitch looks for another night.

The Come Fuck Me outfit achieved it's desired effect. Although, I'm not entirely sure what He appreciated more......the outfit itself or the fact that towards the end of the evening I was SO OVER the whole Kinky Boots thing and not being able to breathe deeply that it started coming off in the truck on the way home to change. By the time we arrived in my driveway, I was half naked and barefoot. Maybe mighta coulda had just a little bit to do with it too. Maybe. Just guessing.

The end of the evening? I'm keeping this one all to myself. I will say that it was's 12 full hours later and I'm still feeling the after effects of it. And to answer Your question, it's working out great for me, thanks for asking. I'm loving every minute of it. I hope it continues. And if it does, boy do I have a treat for You for next Friday!

I Am Etta Mae's Granddaughter......

And today is her birthday. I miss her every day. She was an amazing woman. She raised 10 children, one of whom was my Dad, Rex. She ran the Ala carte store in the cafeteria at Flathead High School in Kalispell for years and years and years. My cousin and I would occasionally help her work the dances. If there was a home game - regardless of the sport and long after her own children had graduated - she was there front and center, cheering louder than anyone. The year she retired she was given the Flathead High Spirit Award.

She was strong. She was tough. She didn't put up with nonsense from anyone. She said what she meant and she meant what she said. And God help you if you were a teenage girl and took too long in the bathroom getting ready. Because she would tell you "You must be the ugliest kid in the Northwest for as long as it takes you to get beautiful." But, she always had money for The Handy (a tiny little neighborhood grocery store with a GIANT candy case), and bread to feed the ducks at Woodland Park and time to spend with us camping and picnicking and learning to ride horses on the cattle drives and day trips to Glacier Park and Flathead Lake. She always had fresh raspberry juice in the fridge from Grandpa Al's gigantic raspberry patch. (Provided, of course, us grandkids hadn't gotten to all of the raspberries before he could pick them!) I still like raspberries best straight off the vine, still warm from the summer sun.

Today is her birthday. Which means tomorrow is my Dad's. He would have been 67. I've been missing him a lot lately. One of the things I've always admired most about my Dad is the work he did with at-risk kids and kids in crisis. I could've used his advice this past week. I don't think I made many choices in the last few years that gave him much to be proud of. That's starting to turn around. I know he would be proud that I found a good job that promises to get even better in the next couple months. I'm taking the best care I can of Mom. She was his one true love. They were married for 44 years. And even though he didn't think much of my choices in "domestic partners" I gave him two beautiful grandchildren that he completely adored.

So Happy Birthday Etta Mae and Rex. I miss you both every day and love you always.

Kinky Boots.......Because I Can....And I Promised I Would

Last night was the night. The Kinky Boots came out of the closet and made their debut. Actually on my legs and out in public. And the corset. And the black mini skirt. And the thigh high stockings. And the pretty underwear......

And oh my fucking God did it ever have the desired effect.........mmmmmmmm......

More about that later. Since my lovely lazy Saturday morning in bed was so unexpectedly interrupted, I'm off and running in Mommy mode.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Zany to Zen......The A to Z Has Been A Trip!


Ludicrously or whimsically comical....


Experiential techniques and processes that are designed to create an opening into enlightenment.

My A to Z Challenge, is, number one.......FINISHED!!! I made it! I actually made it all the way through the alphabet this year. That in and of itself is kind of amazing. Giving myself a little pat on the back for that.

Life is still pretty crazy around these parts. We're working on it. There will be some tough decisions to make. One of which involves The Kid. I WILL NOT have him be the next child that shoots up his school. I also WILL provide him every possible opportunity to NOT go down the same path as his father. I won't have it. I just won't.

My job has offered me a kind of  amazing opportunity. More money. More responsibility. New community. And honestly, if it had been offered in Two Dot, I would have gone. With a little luck, I and my family - Mom's included - will be relocated to Butte in time for the boys to start school. Thinking about it now, that's a very SHORT four months.......The Boy is jacked because this means he will only be an hour away from his dad instead of three and could possibly see him every other weekend like he is supposed to. The Bug is the kind of kid who can be happy no matter where he is at.

The Former Supposed Spouse is still incarcerated. Moving to Butte resolves the problem of where will he live when he gets out. He can live in this house. I'll be moving on. Pretty words on paper and over the phone just don't cut it. I've heard it all before. Too many times. I don't believe it anymore. And if I don't change, HE won't ever have to.

And then there's Him. I don't know what's up with Him lately. Not really sure if I want to know..... He's present in my life on a much more regular basis and I'm loving that. Maybe I won't question it and just enjoy it while it lasts. That whole over-thinking thing that I'm am SO very good at allows me to fuck things up. So........I'll keep my mouth shut......except in certain instances......and enjoy every minute of it for as long as it lasts. So looking forward to the next time I'm able to forget my own damn name.....And by the way You.... #9 off "21"? That's a very good tune.

Change comes fast and it's almost never easy. But if you can see through the mess to find the message, you might just hang on to a little bit of sanity in the process. Breathe in. Breathe out. Take the problems one at a time. Make time for what's good and HOLD FAST to that. And I'll get through it just fine.