Wednesday, January 28, 2015

I Want To Write About Something.....

......but I'm not sure what I want to am able to say.

I have a lot that I want to say....

I love you.

I miss you.

I need you.

Much more often than I am allowed to see you.....and I'm trying to have patience. But it's not my strongest asset and I'm not entirely sure what I'm waiting for.....

He has his own ring tone on my phone and when I get a text message from him, my heart skips a beat. He is the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning and the last thing I think about when I lay down at night. And I wish I could lay my head next to his every single night.

I love his hands.....they're strong and a little rough from hard work and the feel of them running across my bare skin sets me ablaze. He lit a fire in me that started the very first time we were together and has never completely gone out. His arms wrapped around me make me feel so safe and secure and loved and when I'm with him all feels right with the world.

I can call him when my world feels like it's going to fly apart at the seams - "now what? " - and he talks me back down off the ledge....."just breathe. one thing at a time my girl."

My girl. Yes, I suspect I am, his girl. To the apparent exclusion of everyone else. Even though I know I'm not the only one. The time he gives me has become just about equal. Just about. And I'm okay with that. For now. Whatever happens, happens. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Just A Little Blurb...... explain a couple things that people have asked me about.

The name of my blog for example. This is not my first attempt at blogging. My first blog was called "Sober, Chronic, FABULOUS" and I was, in fact, sober. Had been for about a year and was diligently working through the 12 Steps and attending AA and Al-Anon on a regular basis. There's a much more involved story that goes with this as to how and why I came to be a member of AA but I'll save that for another day. Since I am no longer sober, I felt like I had to change the name, so, "Not Always Sober, Chronic, FABULOUS" was born.

I had also recently been officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - a chronic condition where the brain incorrectly processes pain signals from the rest of the body. To put it a little more simply, a normal person might wake up in the morning, feel a little stiff or sore and say, hmmmm, that hurts a little. Maybe take an aspirin and be on their way. A person with Fibro wakes up and their brain screams at them OMFG!!! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! And usually no amount of over the counter pain relievers will even begin to stop the screaming. That's where the "Chronic" part comes in.

Finally, FABULOUS. Because I am. And no amount of pain, or crap days, or shitty people, or failed relationships will change that. In spite of all the many challenges that I face on a daily basis, I refuse to let those challenges limit me. I have a life to live - a life that I am living and for the most part, really fucking enjoying. I'm not living it perfectly....but so what? I'm having fun. My eyes are wide open. I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances and THAT is what makes it fabulous.

And, you know. Hearing from you people that you enjoy reading about the crazy, effed up shit that happens to me and the crazy effed up ways I deal with it. That y'all can relate to some of the crazy effed up shit means the world to me.